


Prelude To Ice

by QuietlyWeStay



Series: On Ice [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, sweet mom hiroko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietlyWeStay/pseuds/QuietlyWeStay
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki was a late bloomer. That could be said about multiple parts of his life, from figure skating to grades, to college, and to dating. Yuuri was always known as the one to do it last.All of his failures or missed chances were his fault. He didn’t act quickly enough, he wasn’t interested in something early enough, he wasn’t passionate enough, he was too anxious.In everything Yuuri did, he wasn't enough.Until he was.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: On Ice [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027399
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Prelude To Ice

Yuuri Katsuki was a late bloomer. That could be said about multiple parts of his life, from figure skating to grades, to college, and to dating. Yuuri was always known as the one to do it last. 

It wasn’t really his fault, but he’d deny that to the ends of the earth. To him, all of his failures or missed chances were his fault. Because he didn’t act quickly enough, he wasn’t interested in something early enough, he wasn’t passionate enough, he was too anxious. 

Everything was Yuuri’s fault. 

But it wouldn’t be his fault if he doesn’t have a future. He will change his destiny, and he will make history…

But first, he needed to get out of bed. 

The alarm clock blared in his ear, waking him up from a pleasant dream of cold air and shredding ice. He groaned and rolled over to wack at his phone a couple of times, hoping a random finger would by chance hit the dismiss button. He sat up blearily, swiping at the large dismiss button that he definitely should have been able to hit with his aggressive slapping at the screen. He sighed and stared anxiously at the many notifications cramming his menu bar. What does he check first? Definitely NOT Tinder, and he doesn’t think he has enough energy to check who texted him. Oh god, is that the Instagram icon? He doesn’t even use Instagram! 

Yuuri heaves a deep breath in, holds it, then slowly lets it back out. 

He decides to open the pop-up from Google first, but regrets it as soon as he reads the article title, “JGP Champion Viktor Nikiforov Sets New World Record”. Yuuri doesn’t bother to read more. He clears his phone, wiping the notifications away along with his spike of anxiety. 

The blankets bundle at his feet as he swings out of bed to start his morning, or well, afternoon. He grabs his glasses, sliding them on his face as he pulls a hoodie on and shuffles his way to the bathroom down the hall. He avoids the mirror, and pushes his glasses onto his head, creating a headband for his sweeping bangs. He wets his cheeks with warm water and scrubs his face roughly with his cleanser, uncaring about the risk of wrinkles or inflammation. He dries his face with a towel and quietly closes the bathroom door, shuffling back to his room. While staring at his phone sitting innocently on the bed, he gets changed from night pajamas into day pajamas, and sits heavily into his computer chair. 

After a hostile staring match between him and his phone, Yuuri finally grabs it from its resting place and unlocks it with his password. It just serves to upset him, and he should really change it soon. He always forgets. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to erase another reminder of his beloved Vicchan. He checks Tinder first, might as well deal with the two-faced fuckboys first than to see how concerned his family and friends are for him. Or how not concerned they are. 

He has two new matches and 5 messages. Nothing out of the ordinary, just them saying “Hi” and “How are you?” without any substance. He has one guy who says a provocative statement about his ass, who he promptly blocks and reports. Yuuri sighs and leaves the messages on read to instead swipe on some profiles as a distraction. He knows it will just upset him when the very good-looking and charming men don’t match with him, but that’s just Yuuri. He’s accepted that he’s not the most gorgeous or special out of the bunch, and he doesn’t blame them. 

He swipes through a few profiles, not seeing anything too interesting before he stumbles upon a blank profile with just the name “Ivan” and a picture of a man with a mask and beanie on, holding a sign that read “If you’re reading this, I hope you have a wonderful day. You’re beautiful!” with many lopsided hearts drawn around the sweet message. Yuuri smiles softly, a burst of joy and a staining blush covering his cheeks. The man looks quite fit and tall from the picture, with wide shoulders, slim hips, and nice, strong but gentle-looking hands. It’s only natural that he’d blush when an assumedly handsome man gives him a genuine compliment, even though it technically wasn't specifically for him. For the first time today, he feels okay. Not happy, but okay.

Swiping right, he doesn’t expect anything to happen, until a bright orange popup covers the screen, “YOU’VE MATCHED!”

Yuuri stops breathing for a moment, and on that note, he closes the app. A knock at his door interrupts him from checking his texts. A white-hot burning sears through his chest, standing shakily, with a deep breath to steady himself. He answers the door, and pushes his glasses up his nose to see his mother standing with a tray of warm food.

“Hey Yuuri, how are you feeling dear?” She asks softly, trying to sneak a peek into his dark room. 

“Oh, hi Mom. I’m okay. I can take that if it’s too heavy.” Yuuri offers, really just wanting her to leave, even though she was being so nice and understanding. He didn’t want to burden anyone with his company, and he didn’t want to worry his mom any more than he already has. Or hasn’t. 

“No, no, honey. That’s okay, I just wanted to give you some lunch since you missed it. I can put it on your desk, since I want to talk to you about something while I’m here.” She says, carefully nudging him out of the way as she makes her way to his desk, the light from the hallway barges into his room and illuminates the piled-up trash and water bottles Yuuri has been trying to ignore. His mom forges on, sidestepping bottles and tissues strewn across the floor without a word. She carefully sets the tray of warm food on his desk, and turns around to give him a warm hug. 

“I know you’re going through a hard time right now, but if you need to talk to us, we’re here for you. We’ll always be your family. I’ll always be your mom.” She mutters into his shoulder, pulling back and looking at her son with tears in her eyes. Yuuri just smiles sadly at her, and tries to hide his sniffles back in his mom’s hair. 

“I love you, mom.” He mumbles, the tears finally breaking through his resolve as he holds her tighter, he can't take a loved one for granted again. She just rubs his back as he whimpers and smears his tears into her shoulder. She shushes him, slowly rocking them from side to side like she would when he was just a boy. After a while, he reluctantly pulls away and wipes his tear-stained, damp face with his sleeve. 

"Well, try to eat a little bit. I made your favorite, a pork cutlet bowl. That always makes you feel better, huh? And maybe go relax in one of the hot springs, alright? You're too tense for someone so young." She coos, grabbing his arms and squeezing as if to warm him up. He nods solemnly, and she smiles and pats his hand, before making her way out of his room and shutting his door with a soft click. 

He watches the door for a few moments, counting her footsteps fading away. He pivots to stare at the tray of food, a sick feeling swirling in the pits of his stomach. Its his favorite, but right now even the smell makes him nauseous. He knows she wants him to eat, but he's just not hungry. He'll eat when he feels better, he promises. He doesn't want to let her down with that too.

Yuuri scrubs at his face, sliding his hands under his glasses and into his hair, tipping the glasses off his head, they crash to the floor just as his phone pings with a new message. Glancing over, he sees his screen go black again. He crashes backward onto his bed, and stares into his ceiling, thinking about all the things he could’ve done today.

But didn’t. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first chaptered fanfic ever, so I hope I don't disappoint. This fanfic will be dealing with some heavy things like anxiety, depression, and feelings of failure, inadequacy, and lost chances. These are all based heavily on my own experiences day to day, as I am using this to vent and share my feelings with others through a character I already heavily identify with. Although Yuuri's emotional and personal struggles will reflect my own, he will still get better on his own, achieve his wildest dreams and find love! It will be a bumpy road for him tough, so I hope you stick by him and me through our journey to make history! 
> 
> I am quite shy, but I'd love it if anyone wanted to chat with me on my tumblr https://twirlingsmoke.tumblr.com or my discord whitedyingbird#0491.  
> This story isn't fully written so you the readers can influence what happens and get BTS info if you want to get involved!  
> Hope you all have a wonderful day, drink water, take your meds and eat something you like! Love you <3


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